


Love Hurts

by tetskuroo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Kuroo tries to help, M/M, Post-Break Up, Support, They're sad, tsukki is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 05:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17891963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetskuroo/pseuds/tetskuroo
Summary: Kei had always told himself he'd never let himself get hurt, and he never expected Tetsurou to be the one to hurt him.





	Love Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is all over the place I'm sad and I just need to write something sad

Kei is a child of divorce. He’d always hated the way that sounded, but when anybody asked why he felt the way he did, thought the way he did about love and relationships and everything else that everyone else seemed to crave, that was the best way to describe it. He grew up watching his mother be sad, and his father be miserable, and the fake smiles, laughs, happiness. Most everyone else he knew came from loving, full families; a stable relationship for them to look up to, to feed them optimistic, unrealistic tendencies.  
They were lucky.

Kei, on the other hand, didn’t fall for the charades, the games. He knew that a large majority of people in the world were putting up with behaviour they didn’t want to deal with from their partner, and Kei swore he wouldn’t be like them.

Well, until he met Kuroo Tetsurou.

Tetsurou was a provocative asshole, and when they’d first met, Kei had hated him. After a while of texting and calling and getting to know each other though, they were inseparable. It wasn’t long until they were a couple, and Kei pretty much forget all about what he’d thought of love because Tetsu made it all seem so great.

*****

They’ve been broken up for four months now. Tetsurou likes to note every time that Kei says four months it doesn’t really count, because they have slept together at least once a week since officially breaking up, but Kei always punches him in the arm and tells him to shut up.

All in all, they’d officially been broken up for four months. It had been four months since Kei had last had a panic attack in front of Tetsurou, since Tetsurou hadn’t known what to do, what he had done wrong. Four months since Tetsurou had last told Kei he loved him and he was sorry, so so sorry for everything he had done to Kei. Four months since they had last gone on a date, four months since they had told all of their friends they were no longer dating, took it off of their social media.

And honestly, it was the worst four months of Kei’s life.

He had struggled with depression and anxiety his entire life, always had something bad going on in his mind to keep him up at night, or force him to sleep the days off of school away. He’d experienced the death of his grandparents, the loss of his family dog, every crushing defeat in volleyball and even the divorce of his parents. He hasn’t seen his dad in years, since he’d made the divorce official and moved out of their house, but this, Tetsurou and him breaking up, it seemed to top it all.

And what made it worse was that they never really talked about them breaking up. They spoke about it shortly, Tetsurou expressing that he was sorry, that he couldn’t be what Kei needed, and Kei had been mad, had avoided Tetsu as well as he could for all of two days before he was back by his side, because he’d been with Tetsurou for two years, he wasn’t sure what to do without him.

However, not talking about it has left Kei an over-anxious mess for the better part of four months. Every class they share, every practice they go to, every party and friendly get together he knows he is going to see Tetsurou, and he is terrified for the time to come when Tetsurou is officially done with him; no more sitting with him, no more talking to him, no more snacks when he knows Kei hasn’t been taking proper care of himself, no more anything. Because he knows the day is coming. He knows he isn’t going to mean anything to Tetsurou soon, and the feeling sucks.

They had promised to still be friends, to make it easier, to make everything less awkward with their friends, but Kei felt like it was just prolonging the inevitable.

*****

“How have you been doing?”

Kei cringed at the question. Usually he’d lie; immediately reply that he was doing fine, a bit tired from practice and school work but doing good nonetheless. Tetsurou though, could read through the lie. He knew the difference between all of the kinds of bags that could be under Kei’s eyes, and he knew that when Kei was drinking hard alcohol instead of beer he was drinking with a purpose; he wanted to get drunk, forget things for a while. So, this time Kei didn’t lie.

“I’m getting really depressed again. I’m feeling really lonely, and it’s hard to focus on school and volleyball with all the intrusive thoughts I’ve been having, and I’ve slept more this week than I did all of last month - the bad kind of sleep where I’m sleeping to avoid being alive.

“I’ve tried everything I usually do to get myself out of the funk I’m in, but it’s not working well - I think this one is here to stay for a while.”

Tetsurou hadn’t expected such an honest answer, and he let his eyes flicker from his drink to Kei a few times before he sighed heavily. “Kei, I-”

“Stop feeling guilty. Yeah, you’re most of the reason I feel like shit, but it’s not your fault. It wasn’t working. You could have done it in a better way, instead of leaving me in the middle of a panic attack, but it’s not your job to make sure I’m okay, you’ve gotta take care of yourself.”

Tetsurou didn’t know what to say; his mind was starting to get fuzzy for reasons other than the alcohol he was drinking, and he was wishing it was morning practice already so he could run off the feeling he was getting in his chest.

“I always used to tell myself,” Kei started, staring into the distance, “that I wasn’t gonna be like everyone else. I always told myself to be careful, not to give myself to anybody that wasn’t going to keep me forever, because I didn’t want to go through the heartbreak, I didn’t want to go to sleep crying like I know my mom did, like I know so many people do.”

They were sitting outside, on the patio at some party, and Kei took a deep breath of fresh air to gain enough confidence to keep talking. “I always told myself that I was going to be smarter than everyone else, that I was going to wait to fall in love until I found the right person, or I wasn’t going to fall in love at all, but you,” he stopped and met Tetsurou’s gaze, “you came in and like, punched me in the face with everything that you are, and who would I be not to be blindsided by that?”

“It was a great two years, Tetsu, and I don’t regret a thing, but damn did you fuck me up,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head. “I was so good alone before, annoyed any time anybody but Tadashi was in my presence, but now the silence kills me. I don’t know how to handle my thoughts anymore without looking at my phone to see if I’ve got a message or snapchat from you. I still don’t make plans on Wednesdays because I’m used to date night, and it leaves me feeling like there is a hole in my chest when I remember that I don’t get to hold your hand or kiss you anymore.”

Tears were growing in his eyes, and Tetsurou couldn’t help but start tearing up too. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kei, we just were no good for each other, even though we tried so hard. It’s not what I want, not at all, but I can’t keep letting myself be what’s bringing you down, and I can’t keep letting myself feel this way either.” A few tears actually fell from Tetsurou’s eyes, and Kei just became more conflicted then.

“That makes it harder,” he mumbled, looking into his drink. “We are just gonna keep falling into this over and over again, never stopping sleeping together, or dreaming about each other. I still dream about you every night, Tetsu,” he mumbled, taking another gulp of his drink. “It’s pathetic really, how much everything I own makes me think of you, what am I supposed to do to get rid of the thought of you when I’m just making coffee in the morning?”

Tetsurou felt his heart break, because he cared about Kei so much and the last thing he wanted to do was make him feel this way. “I’m sorry,” he said desperately. “Tell me what to do, tell me what you want from me and I’ll do it I just want to stop making you feel this way.”

“I know that you think it is no good for me,” Kei started, growing nervous. “And you’re probably right, most of the time. But it has been a while since I’ve had a hug, and after two years of physical affection, it’s weird not to have hugs everyday. So can I have a hug right now please, if that’s okay with you?” Tetsurou immediately set down his drink and was reaching to embrace Kei. Kei followed suit, setting his own drink on the ground beside him before adjusting himself to be in the most comfortable hugging position. “And can we just stay like this for a while please, if that’s okay with you?”

Tetsurou nodded, his right hand moving to rub Kei’s back. “Can we talk about this again in the morning?” he asked, knowing it was a long shot but hoping Kei would agree.

The younger male nodded, hoping that the hug would last long enough that he wouldn’t crave one for a while. And it did; they stayed like that, under the moon until their friends came to find them, and when they stood up and looked at each other, Kei let a small smile cross his face; everything would eventually be alright, he just had to feel like shit for a while first.


End file.
